dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
