So drunk its hurt
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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