Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize