Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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