i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
