afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
