how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
