his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
