Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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