You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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