next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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