i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
