Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
