i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
