Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I could make wine with my vomit
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
