Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
