I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
