Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
