Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
