I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I am mentally ready for anal.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
