Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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