I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
