So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
