Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
