goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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