Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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