she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
