I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
