I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
