I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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