Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
