So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
