I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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