I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We left the knife in your bed.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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