its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
