8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
