After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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