I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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