I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
