It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
