you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
