They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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