I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
