Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
