did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
