I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
