you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
