i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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