This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
