dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
