it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
