My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
