Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
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If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
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my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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