I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
