I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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