just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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