It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
