Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
that's an acceptable place to lick
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
