i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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