I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
