I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
