Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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