Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I believe in your delicious
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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