remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
