Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
