Sry I called you an 8
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
