he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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