We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
