Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
