this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
