The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
