why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
