I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
