So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
