Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
