Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I didn't notice because vodka
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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