Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
