i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
