i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
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I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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