Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize