i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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