I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
