i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
