I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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