Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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