You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
